Perfect Behavior; a Guide for Ladies and Gentlemen in All Social Crises

Contents:
Author: Donald Ogden Stewart

En Route

After the purchase of a complete outfit, it will be necessary to say goodbye to one’s local friends. Partings are always somewhat sad, but it will be found that much simple pleasure may be derived from the last nights with the various boys to whom one is engaged.

In this connection, however, it would be well to avoid making any rash statements regarding undying friendship and affection, because, when you next see Eddie or Walter, at Christmas time, you will have been three months in the East, while they have been at the State University, and really, after one starts dancing with Yale men—well, it’s a funny world.

In case you do not happen to meet any friends on the train, the surest way to protect yourself from any unwelcome advances is to buy a copy of the Atlantic Monthly and carry it, in plain view. Next to a hare lip, this is the safest protection for a travelling young girl that I know of; it has, however, the one objection that all the old ladies on the train are likely to tell you what they think of Katherine Fullerton Gerould, or their rheumatism.

If you are compelled to go to the dining car alone, you will probably sit beside an Elk with white socks, who will call the waiter "George." Along about the second course he will say to you, "It’s warm for September, isn’t it?" to which you should answer "No." That will dispose of the Elk.

Across the table from you will be a Grand Army man and his wife, going to visit their boy Elmer’s wife’s folks in Schenectady. When the fish is served, the Grand Army man will choke on a bone. Let him choke, but do not be too hopeful, as the chances are that he will dislodge the bone. All will go well until the dessert, when his wife will begin telling how raspberry sherbet always disagrees with her. Offer her your raspberry sherbet.

After dinner you may wish to read for a while, but the porter will probably have made up all the berths for the night. It will also be found that the light in your berth does not work, so you will be awake for a long time; finally, just as you are leaving Buffalo, you will at last get to sleep, and when you open your eyes again, you will be—in Buffalo.

There will be two more awakenings that night—once at Batavia, where a merry wedding party with horns and cow bells will follow the lucky bride and groom into your car, and once at Schenectady, where the Pullman car shock-absorbing tests are held. The next morning, tired but unhappy, you will reach New York.

Contents:

Related Resources

None available for this document.

Download Options


Title: Perfect Behavior; a Guide for Ladies and Gentlemen in All Social Crises

Select an option:

*Note: A download may not start for up to 60 seconds.

Email Options


Title: Perfect Behavior; a Guide for Ladies and Gentlemen in All Social Crises

Select an option:

Email addres:

*Note: It may take up to 60 seconds for for the email to be generated.

Chicago: Donald Ogden Stewart, "En Route," Perfect Behavior; a Guide for Ladies and Gentlemen in All Social Crises, trans. Paul, Eden, 1865-1944, and Paul, Cedar in Perfect Behavior; a Guide for Ladies and Gentlemen in All Social Crises Original Sources, accessed April 22, 2018, http://www.originalsources.com/Document.aspx?DocID=DCYWAQHTMT7ZZ2X.

MLA: Stewart, Donald Ogden. "En Route." Perfect Behavior; a Guide for Ladies and Gentlemen in All Social Crises, translted by Paul, Eden, 1865-1944, and Paul, Cedar, in Perfect Behavior; a Guide for Ladies and Gentlemen in All Social Crises, Original Sources. 22 Apr. 2018. www.originalsources.com/Document.aspx?DocID=DCYWAQHTMT7ZZ2X.

Harvard: Stewart, DO, 'En Route' in Perfect Behavior; a Guide for Ladies and Gentlemen in All Social Crises, trans. . cited in , Perfect Behavior; a Guide for Ladies and Gentlemen in All Social Crises. Original Sources, retrieved 22 April 2018, from http://www.originalsources.com/Document.aspx?DocID=DCYWAQHTMT7ZZ2X.