CHAPTER III—WILMOT PROVISO AND COMPROMISE

The Doughface’s Creed (1848)

BY JAMES RUSSELL LOWELL

I DU believe in Freedom’s cause, Ez fur away ez Paris is; I love to see her stick her claws In them infarnal Pharisees; It’s wal enough agin a king To dror resolves an’ triggers,— But libbaty’s a kind o’ thing Thet don’t agree with niggers.

I du believe the people want A tax on teas all’ coffees, Thet nothin’ aint extravygunt,— Purvidin’ I’m in office; Fer I hey loved my country sence My eye-teeth filled their sockets, An’ Uncle Sam I reverence, Partic’larly his pockets.

I du believe in any plan O’ levyin’ the taxes, Ez long ez, like a lumberman, I git jest wut I axes:

I go free-trade thru thick an’ thin, Because it kind o’ rouses The folks to vote,—an’ keeps us in Our quiet custom-houses.

I du believe it’s wise an’ good To sen’ out furrin missions, Thet is, on sartin understood An’ orthydox conditions;— I mean nine thousan’ dolls, per ann., Nine thousan’ more fer outfit, An’ me to recommend a man The place ’ould jest about fit.

I du believe in special ways O’ prayin’ an’ convartin’; The bread comes back in many days, An’ buttered, tu, fer sartin;— I mean in preyin’ till one busts On wut the party chooses, An’ in convartin’ public trusts To very privit uses.

I du believe hard coin the stuff Fer ’lectioneers to spout on; The people’s oilers soft enough To make hard money out on; Dear Uncle Sam pervides fer his, An’ gives a good-sized junk to all,— I don’t care how hard money is, Ez long ez mine’s paid punctooal.

I du believe with all my soul In the gret Press’s freedom, To pint the people to the goal An’ in the traces lead ’em; Palsied the arm thet forges yokes At my fat contracts squintin’, An’ withered be the nose thet pokes Inter the gov’ment printin’!

I du believe thet I should give Wut’s his’n unto Cæsar, Fer it’s by him I move an’ live, Frum him my bread an’ cheese air; I du believe thet all o’ me Doth bear his souperscription,— Will, conscience, honor, honesty, An’ things o’ thet description.

I du believe in prayer an’ praise To him thet hez the grantin’ O’jobs,—in every thin’ thet pays, But most of all in CANTIN’; This doth my cup with marcies fill, This lays all thought o’ sin to rest,— I don’t believe in princerple, But, O, I du in interest.

I du believe in bein’ this Or thet, ez it may happen One way or t’ other hendiest is To ketch the people nappin’; It aint by princerples nor men My preudunt course is steadied,— I scent wich pays the best, an’ then Go into it baldheaded.

I du believe thet holdin’ slaves Comes nat’ral tu a Presidunt, Let ’lone the rowdedow it saves To hey a wal-broke precedunt; Fer any office, small or gret, I could n’t ax with no face, Without I ’d ben, thru dry an’ wet, Th’ unrizzest kind o’ doughface.

I du believe wutever trash ’ll keep the people in blindness,— Thet we the Mexicuns can thrash Right inter brotherly kindness,

Thet bombshells, grape, an’ powder ’n’ ball Air good-will’s strongest magnets, Thet peace, to make it stick at all, Must be druv in with bagnets.

In short, I firmly du believe In Humbug generally, Fer it’s a thing thet I perceive To hey a solid rally; This heth my faithful shepherd ben, In pasturs sweet heth led me, An’ this ’ll keep the people green To feed ez they hey fed me.

[James Russell Lowell], The Biglow Papers, [First Series] (Cambridge, 1848), No. vi., 75–80.